"So keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground."

C'est la vie. Such is life.
Tonight will be a more serious post. Please note, I will be sharing a personal story. The purpose of this message is to not only educate people on a few different things, but also to allow people to know that they aren't alone, as well as give anyone reading this an opportunity to understand me better. Take a second, take a step back, and look at people in a new light, in a new perspective. 

Step One, Step Two, Step Three, Repeat.
My life has been an interesting one. I wouldn't change it, despite the difficulties, because I really like the type of person I have become, but that doesn't mean I am happy with everything that has happened. Life for me did have a bit of a pattern. The pattern began in elementary school. Switching back and forth between my dad, mom, and aunt's home, as well as between schools. I was too young to be affected by the situation. Once middle school started, things became much more complicated. Between the issues at home, different things began to happen at school. I was bullied on a daily basis, and ended up staying home 'sick' as often as possible. This was really the beginning of what was to come.

Here on the rooftop, Screaming like the world stopped.
Eighth grade seemed to me to be the turn around. New school, fresh start. I was nervous, but people seemed nice, and it was decent enough. I made some friends, and we got pretty close. Things seemed to be looking up. Little did anyone else know, I was struggling with depression. I began to do many things, such as self-harm and different types of eating disorders, trying to cope with everything and 'fix' the problems I dealt with. Eventually, my family found out and I began therapy and medication to get everything in hand.

If I go down in the quicksand, don't grab my hand.
Ninth Grade. Still had my close friends, and now I had some new coping strategies as well as high hopes for High School. The first half of the year went great. I had my friends, great classes, and it seemed like nothing could go wrong. Shortly after my birthday, a situation with my friends involving drugs happened, and when I didn't go along with them(and a situation with parents happened) everything went downhill. I started to get teased on a daily basis, and I was slowly, but surely, cut off from everything I knew. The friends I had placed all I had in had deserted me. My grades began to slip, I hated everything about myself, I no longer cared to be around. It seemed as though nothing I did was right. I started having thoughts of how things would be if I was no longer around. I began to think of the way I could do it. It seemed to have a part in every thought I had. One day, I carried that thought out. I wrote a note to my family and tried to overdose. The next day, I woke up. This led to me thinking about how I couldn't even do that right, and I had then planned to complete the job, correctly, the next night. When I was at school, the people who had been teasing me had made one comment passing me in the halls, and I couldn't do it anymore. I went to the nurse's office and admitted to them what I had done, and what was planned for that night.

I feel the weight of silence crashing down.
The road to recovery was not easy. I spent a week in the hospital, returned with about a week or two before finals, managed to keep my grades at a decent level, and finally got out of that school. After my attempt at suicide, the school had become a place of dread for me. When I was home for the summer, I was grateful to my family for allowing me the opportunity to change schools. Another change that definitely changed my outlook at life was my first time attending my current church. A family friend that knew about what had happened asked if I would attend her church. When I agreed, it was set up that I would come to the first Wednesday service after school was out. They had a youth service, so I attended that. It was a new experience for me. I was shy, and I must admit, I had a habit of keeping my distance from people. Even with the lack of social interaction, I felt nice. I felt a feeling I hadn't experienced in such a long time; I felt wanted. I kept attending the church with the family friend. They had mentioned to my family about the Youth Retreat that the church had at the end of summer. The youth had been fundraising for a while already, and the retreat is a bit of money. After talking it over, my family decided to pay, out of pocket, for me to go. It wasn't a choice, rather something they thought may help. Man, were they right.

Get down on your knees when you feel sure the path ahead is about to end.
It was at the first service of the retreat that I received Jesus Christ as my savior. I remember that the minute it happened, I felt a lightness. A feeling of freedom, of love. I felt full, I felt loved. I remembered the feeling of hope. The life I felt like I lost, I had regained it in a better condition than it had ever seen. After that, my life had done a 180. I was happy again, I was alive. I wanted to be alive. I started at my current school, made friends, and was doing well in school again. I was active in my church. I ended up no longer need to take medication for my depression, nor did I need to attend therapy. I was brought from rock bottom, the darkest place I could go, to being a normal teenager, able to live through experiences that I never thought I'd be able to see. My license, sophomore year, and now junior year. Don't get me wrong, being a teenager sucks. I have to deal with the 'heartbreak' and the drama, but I have a totally different perspective on the entire situation. I see things that other people can't, even when it is pointed out to them. I have seen and went through things that most people will never have to imagine. This has and will allow me to help people in ways that wouldn't be possible for others to comprehend. I intend to use my life to change the lives of others. I want to be an example. I want to leave a legacy. A legacy of compassion. Of love. Of hope.

But I swear that there's someone who cares here enough to set us free.
I hope this has helped someone. Whatever the reason you read this, I hope it did something for you. I want to let you know, life is important. Life isn't meant to be cut short. If things are hard, it will pass. Find your rock, your support. Let it keep you afloat. Don't give up. You'll never know what was meant for you. The people you were supposed to meet, those you were meant to help, the impact you would make on the world. You are beautiful. Wonderful. You are worth so much. Never let anyone tell you differently.

My hero, she's the last real dreamer I know.
Believe it or not, this has helped me. Every time I retell this story, it does help me. My purpose is to help others, and this is how I do it. If you ever feel like you are losing it, like you are falling, ask for help. I'd be happy to be a friend. "When our hearts are heavy burdens/We shouldn’t have to bare alone."

Music makes the world go 'round
Blog Playlist:
"Come Back To Me" Amely Hello World
"Goodnight Moon" Go Radio Do Overs And Second Chances
"Hold On" Go Radio Lucky Street
"Redemption in the Verse" Go Radio Lucky Street
"The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" Brand New Deja Entendu
"No Heros Allowed" Mayday Parade Mayday Parade
"Celebrity Status" Marianas Trench Masterpiece Theatre

"Please exit - 'down and to the left'..."

C'est la vie. Such is life.
Well, it has been quite a while, hasn't it! It is now almost a week from Christmas. This has many different things tied to it; there is Holiday break, Christmas, New Years, and the nearing of the end of the semester. It really is crazy how time flies. Anyway, I might as well give an update on what has been going on in my life recently. Let's see.I have been listening to hours more of music, so that is really good. I've also been learning a ton in school recently(more than usual). We were using cadavers today in order to learn the muscles. Interesting? Yes. Enjoyable? Not quite. Lastly, I have been spending time with my friends more than usual, which is really nice. I've noticed myself getting closer to some people as I've began drifting from others. It is quite surprising for me, considering the people I am drifting away from were those I thought were going to be around for a while. I suppose that is life(at least it has been that way for me for a long time).

Don't think that this will be easy, saying that you love me.
I honestly didn't think that I would be really writing about love/relationships, but I guess I was wrong. I must say, relationships are ridiculous these days. I mean really!? There are people sitting there, and they are in a relationship, but one refused to acknowledge it? There are people cheating on each other and then turning around and saying,"I love you." ? That isn't 'love', it is just idiocy. And those who sit there and put up with it? Those who sit there and say that they are going to change the other person. The people who sit there and try and make the person feel the same way. When they think that 'waiting it out' will make it better? I feel terrible saying this, but in the end, if you have to change who you are, or constantly hurt yourself because you dedicate everything to that one person, is it really worth it? Maybe it is 'love' and I'm just too young and naive to understand. Either way, I can't wrap my mind around the concept of it.

Is it striving for the best, or pure insanity?
I may just be a drama queen, or perhaps I'm a lunatic. Maybe I'm just a teenager. Who knows. It just seems to me like I may put a bit too high of expectations for myself. I strive to be the best I can, but I've sat back and tried to see if I overreact about it. I try to take challenging classes, be as involved in extracurriculars as I can, as well as balance friends, family, and church. It really isn't that much, some people have so much more going on, so I feel ridiculous complaining or even saying that I am doing a lot. Which brings me to my next thought: Why in the world am I comparing my situation to the situation of anyone else? Ah, the joys of being a human being. 'I must be as good as, or better, than everyone else.' If you live like that, you may want to reconsider your priorities in life. Just saying.

Just because you are right, it doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Do I seem bitter tonight? I'm not, I Cross My Heart. Oh, and most of you are probably confused as to why I capitalized those words in the middle of the sentence... here is a little hint: unless you have the initials M. D. you won't get it. (: Ahh, okay. I'm running out of things to write, time to close up.

Well, Goodnight Moon, and Goodnight You.
I have too many song references in tonight's post. Goodness. Well, I guess I'll close up with a few things. Have a Happy Holidays. This is the time of year when you should spend time with those you love. This is the season of giving. Don't miss your chance to show someone how much you care about them. Life can throw unexpected twists and turns at you, be ready to handle them, and be grateful for all that you have. Finally, remember this: hope saves lives. Give it. Share it. BE it. Happy Holidays everyone.

Music makes the world go 'round.
Blog Playlist:
"Why I'm Home" Go Radio Lucky Street
"Any Other Heart (Acoustic)" Go Radio Lucky Street
"Singing with the King" Go Radio Lucky Street
"Push" Marianas Trench Fix Me
"All My Heart" Sleeping with Sirens Let's Cheers to This
"The Cave" Mumford & Sons Sigh No More
"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" Reliant K The Bird And The Beeside

"I'll loosen up my tie, no use in being shy."

C'est la vie. Such is life.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And to those crazy people, Happy Black Friday! I'll be one of the crazies at 4am. Which I must admit that I am SO happy to be going later this year. So, I haven't posted in a while(about 6 days to be exact). Over the span of those few days not too much has happened. Had a fantastic weekend. Saw Immortals on Saturday night, which was awesome, and Breaking Dawn Part 1 on Sunday afternoon, which was incredible. The two days of school I had were pretty uneventful, which I am so grateful for. Yesterday I was unable to go to church, which was really disappointing, but I did have a fantastic time going out of town with my family. I'll be home tomorrow, and I have a few plans for this weekend, but nothing too extraordinary.

What won't be happening.
I don't necessarily have anything to talk about. Nothing new at least. I could stress about where I want to go to college(which, trust me, I have been going crazy about recently). I could be the typical teenage girl and complain/talk about boys, but I hate the idea of that. I could sit here and entertain myself on events of the night, but I am not here to call people out on their silly actions.

Let's get this going now.
Wow. That third song on the list, yeah that just gave me an intense urge to use it for my inspiration. Ahh, I love music. Anyway, moving on. The entire thought process I have now is to talk about persistence. As the song says," We’re sure of what we cannot see, we push on through this wasteland, without it there’s no victory.” Sometimes, in this life, we don't have a set destination within our sight. The hardest part is to continue moving forward, no matter how bad things seem, and trust that our desired destination will be at the end of the struggle. Life is hard; it'll kick you when you're down. Your job is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start moving forward. One last thing before I move on from this topic. It gets hard to fight. It can end up feeling pointless or not worth it. That is when hope comes into play. Hope comes in many forms; family, friends, and yes, a savior. You can't live without hope. (And I hope (word of the day) that no one was offended.)

The final countdown.
I've noticed that I have five countdowns going right now(and they aren't all for fun events). Maybe it is just me, but does that seem a little crazy? I've got one going for Christmas, my teeth getting pulled, my birthday, my trip to France, and the last day of school. I could add in another one(Youth Retreat) but I don't want to have to count that one up right now. Haha. I do think it is good to put time into perspective. 30 days, seems like a lot, but really, one month until Christmas! That is insane.

These really are time consuming.
It takes forever to write these. I am sure it would help if I had a slice of inspiration before I started tonight, but still. Goodness! And this'll be my goodbye. But before I go, have you noticed that I don't double up on artists on the posts playlist. (Only on one post though, you'll notice artists are repeated between all of the posts).

Music makes the world go 'round.
Blog Playlist:
"Miserable At Best" Mayday Parade A Lesson In Romantics
"Out From Under" Red Innocence and Instinct
"Await the Sun" The Workday Release Farther From Familiar
"Break Your Knees" Flyleaf Memento Mori
"The Sadness Will Never End" Bring Me The Horizon Suicide Season
"Destroy" Worth Dying For Love Riot

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet."

C'est la vie. Such is life.
I love wearing pajamas on a Friday. It also helps when it doesn't feel like a Friday. You get to the end of the school day and, when you realize what day it is, get really excited. I was beyond elated when I remembered that it was not only Friday, but I also only have a two day week following this weekend. I love holidays.

Because inside jokes need to have more than one person involved.
Today, I want to talk about the importance of friends. Life is life; it can get hectic. You need to be able to find a balance or you'll end up on your head. Friends are like a walking stick; they help you move around and, if you allow them to work, they'll help you stabilize yourself. Notice something about that last sentence? It requires you, yes YOU, to do something in order to receive. Friendship isn't a one-way street. Other people can't do for you what you can't(or won't) do for yourself. Oh, one last thing. Don't throw away a friendship because of your issues and insecurities. Figure out your flaws and fix them. Don't blame the other person for what you caused. That would be a lesson I learned the hard way.

This would be the pre-conclusion.
It has been a shorter post tonight(at least that is how it feels to me). I just wanted to wrap this up with a little bit of my random thought(which is pretty much what I want to say without having it in a slightly organized manner). Moving on. I am not having the greatest night(or necessarily the best few days). I'm hoping this weekend, or even this next week, will balance me out. I just regret that I've allowed myself to slip into this situation without allowing myself to prepare. That is why I was talking about friends. I've noticed I don't rely on friends as much as I should. I have also noticed that there are a few friends of mine that aren't putting in as much into our friendship as I am. I'm not sure where to go from there and I have a feeling I'm going to be working on this issue for a little while.

This is where the story ends.
Wow. This actually took a really long time. Well, this is it folks. This post has come to an end, but there will be more. Hope this has helped someone.

Music makes the world go 'round.
Blog Playlist:
"We Looked Like Giants" Death Cab For Cutie Transatlanticism
"Terrible Things" Mayday Parade Valdosta
"Coffee Break" Forever The Sickest Kids Underdog Alma Mater
"What I Know" Parachute The Way It Was
"God Speed" The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Lonely Road
"By Your Side" Tenth Avenue North Over And Underneath

You have the some of THE coolest stuff.

C'est la vie. Such is life.
I'm starting to really enjoy this. When I'm sitting down, bored, I find myself thinking of making a post. It is a little lame, but hey, I like it, so who gives a hoot. Moving on. Nothing too big has happened recently. Well, scratch that. An incident today, although it may prove insignificant to some people(had they not had the background on why it happened), happened today. It has put me in a bit of a funk. I'm not even going to down-play it. My night has sucked horribly because of it. So I guess this will be me getting out how I feel; my thoughts will be randomly thrown together. Best of luck to you reading this.

Despite the rumors, time doesn't heal all scars.
I've been through my fair share of ups and downs, trials and tribulations. Its been hard, I'm not going to lie. It was a battle to take each and every step. Things got progressively worse, but I'm not going to get into that(at least not now). I've made a lot of strides forward. My life has changed so much in the past(about) year and a half. It is so wonderful to see how different I am, but just because there has been so drastic of a change doesn't mean I'm one-hundred percent yet. It seems that many people, including myself, seemed to overlook the fact that, with everything that has happened, time won't(at least not this quickly) heal everything. Today I was hit in the face with a heaping dose of reality. Just because you shelter yourself from something that has hurt you or has resulted in negative things in your life doesn't mean you'll be okay when it comes around again. Don't get me wrong, it can work. When you spend your time away from things like that, you work on yourself and fix the issues you have, you can be healed. But one fatal mistake is when you assume you can handle it, when you assume it is no longer an issue.

True empathy is impossible.
If you think about it, you can't put yourself in someones shoes and know how they feel. As I said before, the event today could be deemed insignificant to some people who don't know the story behind it all. Those who do know the story still can't(and to be completely honest, they probably don't) understand what today put me through. I do believe that people try. I'm not trying to say that those around me aren't trying; they are. But I can understand that when something like this arises, it can be hard to see what the big deal was.

Now that this little tirade is over..
So this post was a bit... interesting. I do feel much better about things, which was the original goal of this, so "high five, good job." (Too bad only select few will understand this, and I'm not even sure who reads my blog... hah) Anyways, I would just keep pluggin' away at this, but I need to get going. I'll wrap this up with the usual, a soundtrack.

Music makes the world go 'round.
Blog Playlist:
"The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" Brand New Deja Entendu
"A Lack Of Color" Death Cab for Cutie Transatlanticism
"Hands Down" Dashboard Confessional Vindicated
"Arise" Flyleaf Memento Mori
"Make A Move" Icon For Hire Scripted
"Love In A Box" The Workday Release To The Beginning

Why is Johnny Cash on this Pandora Station?

C'est la vie. Such is life.
Ah, blog number two. The title is a little unusual, but don't mind that. This will have absolutely nothing to do with Johnny Cash. I'm not quite sure how to get this one going. Since my last blog(which was actually my first--two days ago) nothing much has changed. School, homework, sleep. What a pattern, huh? Well, let's get into the important stuff(ha!).

Things get pretty complicated.
I've been struggling with my self a lot lately. Who I am, what I've made my priority. Stuff like that. I've noticed that I've began to allow my life to revolve solely around school. I used to have a lot of fun. But it seems now, more than ever, I find myself isolated. I have friends, don't get me wrong on that, but sometimes I question if they are actually my friends. I've found struggles getting what I need to get done when I need it done. School work is getting harder, time is getting shorter. I suppose that I'm just wondering if I'm making the right decision. Maybe that is just how it is when it comes to these years in life, or maybe I'm missing out on something?
Ah, anyways, enough complaining. Time to switch things up. Thanksgiving is coming up so I'm going to list a couple of things I'm grateful for.

It's a blessing to count your blessings.
I'm thankful for my family. Without them I wouldn't be where I am today. Things get tough, we fight, but in the end we love each other and I couldn't ask for anything more.
I'm thankful for my church, my Pastor, and my Savior. Cheesy, I know, but it is the truth. This has been a vital point in my life. Without the new life I received, without the grace, the love, the forgiveness, I wouldn't be alive today. God has changed my life, brought me back from rock bottom. My church family has been the support I've needed to stay afloat. My Pastor has kept me on my toes, teaching me new things and reminding me of my blessings.
I'm thankful for the people I hold near and dear. The people I confide in, that are there no matter what. When I think of people like this, I do have a few specific people in mind, but I'm not going to use names for a few reasons. Reason number one being that I don't have their permission(even though I know they wouldn't care). Reason number two being that some people may assume that they are on that list when, in reality, the aren't. Wouldn't that be an awkward situation!?

Let's wrap it up...
Oop. Well it isn't too long, but I don't want this dragging on forever. Plus I'm absolutely freezing! I do want to apologize for this being a bit random. I typed what I was thinking as I was thinking it, and I really don't feel like proof reading this. So there we have it folks; my raw, uncensored(I guess there could have been better word choice here..) thoughts. I'll finish this off with my lovely playlist!

Music makes the world go 'round.
Blog Playlist:
"Existentialism On Prom Night" - Straylight Run Straylight Run
"Sowing Season" - Brand New The Devil and God Are Raging Inside of Me
"On My Own" - The Used The Used
"Wonderwall" - Oasis (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
"Work" - Jimmy Eat World Futures
"Anthem Part Two" - Blink 182 Take Off Your Pants And Jacket
"Until the Day I Die" - Story Of The Year Page Avenue

Introduction

C'est la vie. Such is life.
So, I'm Joanna and I needed a hobby. I used to write a lot, and I tend to think too much, so the combination of the two? A blog. This will end up one of two ways: it will fail miserably or it will a lot of fun(I'm hoping for the latter). Let's give this a try now; Blog number one:

Who is this?
I'm in high school. I love music. I'm a Christian; I attend an incredible church, have a wonderful Pastor, and love where I am. I love to learn but school, on the other hand, isn't the most enjoyable thing for me. I have a few incredibly close friends(which I'm grateful for). I'm very shy, but I love to listen and help others. I'm trustworthy and hardworking. I hope to go to college for Nursing. I'm ambitious. I've gone through many difficult times in my life. They have made me stronger and helped shape the person I'm proud to be today.

This blog will be...
I don't have any specific plans for what this will encompass. I'll just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. What I do know is that I will begin each post with "C'est la vie. Such is life." and include the playlist of each post and the very end. I also plan to try to keep things organized as they are now with little headings. I will possibly include a little intro and conclusion like I did on this one.

Farewell.
This will be the conclusion. I figured as a introductory post it wouldn't need to very long. Just give a basic outline of who I am and allow you(and me) a feel of how this blog will be. I'm not sure how often I will end up posting, but I'll try to have something interesting to say each time.

Music makes the world go 'round.
And now we will go into the playlist. I'll include around 5 songs per post. It'll look something like this:
"Song Title" Artist Name Album Title

Blog Playlist:
"Oh well, Oh well" - Mayday Parade Mayday Parade
"Step Right Now" - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Lonely Road
"Take it Slow" - Forever the Sickest Kids The Weekend: Friday
"Let Go" - Red End of Silence
"Mercy" - Matt Nathanson Modern Love