"Every broken promise that I've ever made is adding to the problem and it's driving me insane"

C'est la vie. Such is life.
Hello everyone! It has been quite a while since I've updated, but I have some very good reasons. Life has been hectic, dramatic, and ... just blah. There have been many struggles lately, a few of which I will share today.  

If you can't hang then there's the door baby.
I can't say when, exactly, everything started again. I started to notice odd things, such as me being even more quiet than normal. I also started having a more negative outlook on everything, mainly myself. Appearance and such is always an issue. I started pulling away from school. By pulling away I mean that about three weeks ago I stopped doing my school work outside of school period. I didn't care to do it anymore. I was then planning on getting everything back together again, and then about two weeks ago(I think, I'm having issues determining when things happen anymore), my dad had sent a text message talking about how my sister and I should've pretended that we were his children, and that he was going to get a paternity test to prove it. It broke me in a way I didn't think was possible. I had still held on to the smallest sliver of hope that he could become the father I've always wanted. When this happened, I fell apart. I cried, couldn't sleep, and I've been on a decline ever since. After that (about a week ago) I got food poisoning. After 24 hours of not eating, I could've easily eaten a meal, but I then decided I wasn't hungry. I didn't eat much of anything for about 2-3 days. After that, I realized what was happening to me. I wasn't about to let myself do that, so I told a friend and made up my mind it wouldn't happen like that. It is so easy to relapse on eating disorders, even if it has been a few years. Depression in general is also easy to relapse on. Once you have depression, you are always at risk for relapse. The only thing you can do is realize what is happening and take preventative measures to fix the problem.

So this is what we're up against.
This past Friday, there was a teen center at my church. I love going there, I really enjoy my church, but due to an event that happened the previous Wednesday(piled on top of/related to the situation described above) I had no desire to go. I ended up going to a friend's house, just relaxing and getting my mind off of everything. We watched the office, talked, and I was able to clear my mind. (Which is really nice, and I hope I'll get to hang out with them again soon :p) But, I didn't ask my aunt or uncle, so I was lying about where I was. So, the next day my family had our little overnight stay where we went to the Mall of America. At the Mall, when my aunt and I were just waiting for my sister to get out of a store, I confessed. I told her the issues I'd started having, and that I lied to her. We had a brief heart-to-heart, and I was extremely relieved. I am now planning to go to therapy again, for as long as I need, until I have a handle on my life again.

I can't make reality connect, I push 'til I have nothing left.
I'm working on things. I'm almost caught up with my school work, and I am trying to talk more. Keep me in your prayers, thoughts, whichever you prefer. I appreciate it.

Music makes the world go 'round
Blog Playlist:
"Anti-Venom" eatmewhileimhot! Mushroom
"If You Can't Hang" Sleeping With Sirens Let's Cheers to This
"Up Against(Black Out)" Taking Back Sunday Louder Now
"Iodine" Icon For Hire Scripted