C'est la vie. Such is life.
So, today will be all over the place. I just have a few things I want to chat at you guys about. Ah, as for updates. Well, I'm tired most of the time, I still have issues telling when things happened, and France is 2 weeks away from today! Pretty exciting. I ate lunch outside today, and my last class of the day, Chemistry, met outside as well. Nothing like a bit of Vitamin D. Other than that... nothing really. I'll just get into this then.
Hands down, I swear that I came so prepared.
I have been feeling as though I'm growing up in ways I've never expected. Finding forgiveness for those I thought I'd never be able to forgive. It is a funny thing when you are so scared at the mere thought of someone, and then you realize that things are different now. Sometimes you need to realize that, just as you did, people grow up. People change. Sometimes a friend gets lost, and they can find their way back again. You do the same, so why can't you let others as well? I'm hoping this will be a new chapter for me. I hope that this will give me an opportunity to take a step that I never thought was possible. We'll just have to see where things go, but I have high hopes, which is always a good sign.
They say, "You want a war? You've got a war." But who are you fighting for?
I've noticed that there really is a war going on. A war that is being fought, daily, by so many people. Depression is the biggest war you can fight. Hating yourself, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up. Punish yourself until you feel something, but that something never comes because you've lost all feeling. The numbness claws at you until you can't handle it anymore. I began fighting this war many years ago. At one point, I was almost defeated. I realized that in about a month and a half it'll be two years since I attempted to end my life. It is a scary thought. It brings things into perspective. This time of the year has been difficult for me. Right about March through the end of May brings an dreary cloud over me. It is simply because the events are still so fresh in my mind. Two years seems like a long time, but it really isn't. I may seem distant, but that is just me thinking of the past two years, thinking about what has happened, how far I've come, and where I stand today. I'm proud of how far I've made it. I never would've expected to be alive this long. I never expected that I'd be making it this far. Life is a blessing. It can be hard, but in the end it is worth it.
I have been looking around, and I have found that so many people are still fighting this alone. It isn't necessary! So I began fighting back in the battle. Sharing one's story, especially with a story so personal, is extremely difficult. I am not about to say,"Oh, it is so great! So much fun, so easy-peasy!" Because it really isn't. You cry. In the beginning, it is almost like you are opening the wound back up and throwing some salt and lemon juice in it. What I've found is, the more you tell it, the easier it becomes to deal with. The easier it gets to say. The best part? You really do help people. I've gotten comments, messages, and the like from a lot of people. They have thanked me for helping them see something in themselves, their children, a friend. I can't tell you how blessed I've been to get the feedback I've gotten. It really encourages me to continue doing what I do.
Did you say,"Please just follow me."
I wanted to give a little shout out to two lovely, brave young ladies, Christine and Charis. I know how hard it can be, and it is fantastic that you two have taking such a leap of faith to share your life. Proud of you(:
You can find Christine's blog here.
You can find Charis' blog here.
Music makes the world go 'round
Blog Playlist:
"Spineless Crow" Hands Like Houses! Ground Dweller
"Swear It Like You Mean It" Go Radio Lucky Street
"Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends" Fall Out Boy From Under the Cork Tree
"All To Myself" Marianas Trench Masterpiece Theatre
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