"I could get used to this world standing oh so still."

C'est la vie. Such is life.
I know I posted last night, but I have roughly two class periods of a study hall, and nothing to do. I like blabbering on and not really thinking, so this is the best thing for me to do. And off we go.
OH and update. Tonight I'm going to TSO. I'm really excited! ... So now, we actually begin.


And now I'm lost at sea. I'm drowning in what I won't be.
I hate my loss of focus. I hate how I want to do so much, but I can't find a way to actually do it. It really is just me holding myself back, but I haven't found a way to quit it and change my ways. And speaking of things I do to myself, I can't stand how I treat myself. The way I think, the way I talk myself down. It is something I can't comprehend. I feel as though I am the most annoying, unwanted person on this planet. Even when I'm with my friends, I feel as though they'd have so much better of a time if I weren't there. I can't talk, text, or even breathe without thinking that I'm bothering them, which is funny because they have told me before that it is the complete opposite of that. No matter how often I am reassured, I can't get over it.


You made me hate my own reflection, question every choice I make. So I could try to be perfect, but I will try to be fake.
I have been thinking a lot lately, about my future and the choices I make/will make. I find myself wondering if some of the things that I think or feel are seeds planted into my head by others who surround me. I'm sure everyone goes through a phase similar to this. Questioning their future and what they want to do. As far as careers go, I am pretty positive that I'd like to go into nursing, but I've also noticed how interested I am in history and social studies(and by social studies, I don't mean geography, I mean more of the human studies portion of it). I'm trying to make sure I keep in mind the things that I enjoy, and find a way to incorporate it into my future. I want to help people, I have experiences that would help me to be compassionate, I just want to find a way to use that. I want to find a way to help me enjoy my career and, overall, my life.


We never are what we intend, or invent.
It is pretty short, but I don't really have too much to say today. I'll just leave it at this for now. I know I sporadically post now, so I can't guarantee when my next post will be. Thanks for reading, and I suppose thanks for putting up with me.


Music makes the world go 'round
Blog Playlist:
"The Hangman" Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows D.R.U.G.S.
"Lost And Found" Senses Fail Still Searching
"Who Are You Now" Sleeping With Sirens Let's Cheers To This
"At The Bottom" Brand New Daisy